Last month, I provided you with some guidance on how to best leverage a personal relationship during a negotiation. And afterwards, I got some questions along the lines of: “That’s lovely…but what if I don’t have a friendship? What if we’ve already had a falling out?”
Today, we’ll take a look at a ‘relationship lifecycle’ of sorts, and identify three relationship stages, your goals for the relationship, and how to achieve them.
A Budding Relationship
In this case, you and your counterpart haven’t worked together before, or if you have, it was a limited interaction. Neither one of you knows a whole lot about the other, and your approach to the negotiation is pretty much founded on cold data from your industry research. And since you haven’t seen them in action during discussions before, you’re not entirely sure what their personality is when it comes to negotiations.
Goal: The main focus of your interactions is to get to know them, build a rapport, and create the foundation for moving this relationship into the Fast Friends stage.
How: There’s no need to rush into a relationship. Treat it like you would a first few dates – warm it up. Engaging socially will help build rapport. Try having dinner the night before the negotiations are set to begin, or, plan your agenda to include a social – rather than working lunch. A word of caution: Colleagues of yours may have worked with the company or counterpart in the past, but try to avoid collecting too many opinions on what they’re like. Your relationship with them will be unique from all others – give it a chance to develop free of bias.
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Fast Friends
After you’ve worked with someone for a while – either on several smaller interactions or a larger, more intensive negotiation, you’re likely pretty friendly. You know about their vacation plans with family and wouldn’t dream of interupting with a work call – but know that if you absolutely had to, they’d forgive you (but maybe still heckle you about it when you saw them next). Professionally, you know style, likes and dislikes, can predict pain points and know how they need to ‘pitch’ internally at their firm.
Goal: When engaging in another negotiation with this individual, you main goals are to maintain and strengthen your connection. Personally, this may take the form of learning more about each others’s private lives, and professionally, being better able to predict their needs and increases your mutual willingness to collaborate.
How: The best approach here is to be consistent (no pulling back or being cold in your interactions) and leading by example. A great way to do this is to help them achieve a negotiation result that they can ‘sell’ internally. True, the outcome must still be of benefit to your firm, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be good for both parties. If they’ve got a boss that loves numbers, provide some great data that they can share. If overall shareholder value is the key, then help them define the benefits of your deal in those terms. As a Fast Friend – they’ll likely be willing to do the same for you.
Tip: Social activities aren’t just for budding relationships. Whether it’s a round of golf, dinner or even a trip to the shooting range, keep developing those personal connections.
On The Rocks
Sometimes, there’s trouble in paradise. Perhaps you and your counterpart got off on the wrong foot. Or maybe you were once Fast Friends and a particularly difficult negotiation has created a rift between you. Either way, your comfort level with one another both personally and professionally is likely quite low. There’s a lack of trust, stilted conversation and tempers flare more quickly than they should.
Goal: Relationship rescue is the order of business here. While you may not be able to restore a Fast Friends situation overnight, aim towards getting back to the Budding Relationship phase.
How: As with romantic relationships, it helps to ‘forgive quickly and have a short memory’. If there was a specific event in the past that has created the rift, it can be a good idea to clear the air so that you can both move forward. Make sure to do this ‘offline’ and not in the middle of a business meeting. Once that’s done, move ahead in rebuilding the relationship slowly – look back to the Budding Relationship section for some ideas.
Where are you in the relationship lifecycle? Where would you like to be? Is there a relationship rescue success story you can share?
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Devon Smiley is a Negotiation Consultant, and is passionate about helping businesses achieve best possible results in their procurement contracts. For more information on how a Negotiation Consultant can help you visit What is Negotiation Consulting? or get in touch at devon@informedstyle.com
Filed under: Making It Work Tagged: Corporate, negotiation, Negotiation Consulting, relationships Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Image may be NSFW.
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Clik here to view. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.